My friend Mickey is the father of the cutest baby girl and was given some sound parenting advice from his father-in-law.
"The toughest thing about having a daughter is keeping her off the pole."Words to live by. I am grateful to all the fathers out there that throw caution to the wind because I love getting your daughter's tatas in my face for $1.
If you have not seen Pulp Fiction then you are a DBag. If you have seen it, you will recognize my next quote as one of the many awesome one liners. This was said by one of the business analysts I work with. The team had just completed a milestone and were feeling pretty awesome...
"Well, let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite yet." -The WolfFunny shit happens after hours.
My next quote is to all the guys out there dating some chick that is spending money like Obama. I heard this a while back during some interview and I made sure to write it down because I think it is spot on, especially in our current economic situation.
"Nothing will have a greater impact on your financial success or failure than your relationship with a woman." -FJ SharkI have three friends that have been royally financially fucked by women. One friend was debt free before he met his true love...a year later he had all her debt, was paying her an allowance, and she got to live in his house for a year for free!
For my next quote, I wanted something inspirational. Cincinnati was just declared one of the Top 10 unhappiest cities so I think the people of Cincinnati need a little pick me up. I couldn't remember where or when I heard my next quote, but after a bit of googling I discovered that Anthony Hopkins said it in the movie The Edge. Now I remember where I heard it...I've seen the movie.
"What one man do, another can do." - Charles MorseIf that quote doesn't make you feel any better, maybe life isn't for you.
To understand my next quote, you need to understand my buddy who I will call Philip. I met Philip in college and the guy is fun as hell to hang out with and he always cracks me up. There is always something going on in his life that makes me laugh; this time it was his crazy nymphomaniac girlfriend who I will call Mary. Mary was different from other girls; she craved sex more than Philip and Philip puts David Duchovny to shame, she had 6 dogs and 4 cats, and she took crazy to a whole new level. It was Mary's time of month and Phillip wasn't getting any so he came over to my place to get away and said...
You know...without sex Mary isn't all that greatThat quote still makes me laugh
For my first quote, I decided to start with one of my favorites. I was having lunch with a few coworkers and we dropped by Joseph-Beth Booksellers to pick up the latest issue of GQ magazine that had Jessica Simpson sporting a very patriotic bikini. As several of the guys were fantasizing what they would do to the magazine if they could get it alone I heard my favorite quote...
"No matter how hot a girl is...some guy is tired of putting up with her shit" -ProbinuI have heard several derivations since then, but I think the original is still the best.
